I was a little chunky back in my middle school years,but I've never been "irreparably fat." Far from "irreparably fat" is my wife, who uttered the term when describing herself the other day. My wife is an extremely fit, committed, and accomplished age group triathlete. She described herself as "irreparably fat" after exercising ONLY once over a 10-day period. That sedentary week followed an 8-month stint of 5-6-days-per-week intensive endurance training. These are the sorts of lifestyle standards that I dutifully fall short of every week. Like most human beings, I prefer comfort. I am not as fit, committed, or accomplished as my beast of a wife, but two years ago I surprised myself and became a triathlete too.

My father-in-law once described me as "pretty athletic." I was honored. I also agreed. I dabbled in baseball, volleyball, and a little football. I was good enough at them to play in high school, one of them in college, and all three in various forms of adult recreation. I slowly ran some 10K's. I generally maintained a level of fitness that I thought was at least average when compared to my peers at the office, at weekend warrior sports venues, and at the sneeze-guards at Panda Express. My two years' experience in triathlon have changed my peer group a bit, but not my position in comparison to those peers. I am an extraordinarily average triathlete, with some data to prove it: a nice little report I received after Wildflower's Olympic course two years ago showed that I was in the 50th percentile in my age group for all legs of the race… except in transition, because I like having a couple little picnics/bathroom breaks/existential crises during those precious moments of rest. My wife (thankfully) does not expect me to set and achieve the lofty athletic goals that she's accustomed to. She likes me the way that I am: pretty athletic. But she likes me better (I think) when I'm competing in triathlons. I can train alongside her, challenge myself, grow as a person, and stay ahead in the battle against irreparable fatness. It's also a pretty impressive new peer group, one in which I'm proud to be considered average (I was a little less proud to be considered an average customer at Panda Express).

Last March, with a years' worth of training, experience, and fitness base in tow, I felt poised to vault myself into the Above Average conversation in the triathlon world. Feeling bullish on my chances, I bet Beast Wife that I would finish the Wildflower Long Course Triathlon faster than her in our first time ever competing in a long course race. Recall that Beast Wife rarely takes a day off from working out. She also makes the most of each minute of those workouts. She is an intense competitor and loves pushing herself as hard as possible. This approach served her well in sprint and Olympic distance tris where she would finish top-10, top-3, and occasionally top-1 in her age group. She can maintain a high level of effort for longer than most people and relished opportunities to mentally defeat her tiring opponents. I, on the other hand, extraordinarily averagely finished far from top-10, top-3, and top-1 in my age group in all but the smallest, most local, and minimally attended triathlons. I also extraordinarily consistently finished behind Beast Wife in every leg of every race (she is, in fact, faster than the average man). I cannot (or will not) push myself as hard as possible. I maintain a high level of effort for short periods of time (see above experience in baseball, volleyball, and football), and I relish the opportunity to slow down when I get tired, having mentally defeated myself. On paper, I seemed like an underdog.

HOWEVER, I quickly learned that long course triathlon is different from a racing and training perspective. For instance, it is important to heavily rely on Zone 2 training to teach your body to burn fuel efficiently so you survive the unique demands of a very long race. Zone 2 is a conversational, slow and steady, fat-burning pace that was very difficult to fathom for the I-want-to-crush-everyone-including-my-husband mentality my wife took into races. Zone 2 is also awesome. Since you're not pushing yourself to the point of barfing on the ground, I found that I legitimately enjoyed training for long course. Increased speed came naturally, a leaner physique emerged steadily, and endorphins rushed euphorically. I love Zone 2. Beast Wife hates it (or at least, does not prefer it as much as I do). Zone 2 was MY zone, long course was MY domain, and this was MY race. I envisioned triumphantly striding past her late in the race with so much energy left I could click my heels, toss her a honey stinger and tell her it's ok for walking (translation: "you suck").

Race day came…… and she beat me by 30 minutes. So not much changed, except now I owed her the agreed-upon spoils of victory: I had to write a triathlon blog. So here I am, nearly a year later, paid in full.

NOT the Winner

I don't have an incredible, turn-my-McDonalds-eating-life-around story about triathlon to share. I also don't have a wealth of knowledge, expertise, and experience to share as I'm still trying to learn, improve, and figure out how to beat my wife (?). I do have the perspective of an average athlete who enjoys the challenge and the exercise accountability that triathlons provide. It's not quite an obsession, but it's surprisingly fun and rewarding. And if I can keep it up, I don't think I'll be irreparably fat anytime soon.